Yesterday was somewhat of a testing day, and to some extent I failed the test.
Three medical related calls in 1/2 an hour screwed with my head for the morning and struggled to get back into the right space until after taking a short lunch break.
First call confirmed my Wednesday appointment as already discussed. Second call was from the blood/cancer unit at Wellington Hospital regarding an appointment with the medical oncologist. Not sure how this differs from what Mr Hamilton does, but now have a cell phone number to call if I don't receive an appointment within two weeks.
Third call was literally as I hung up from the 2nd one. This time endoscopy department at Hutt Hospital trying to organise an appointment for them to fit the gastro peg within the next 7 days. I suggested this Friday and they went away to see if that could be done.
I know this timing is of my own doing, but figure Friday's at least give me the weekend to recover. Anne came back just after 4pm to confirm Friday was confirmed. Need to be there at 11am and will be admitted for the night. My first overnight hospital stay - something new that I've never experienced before.
This will be the 3rd procedure done on a Friday - Tonsil biopsy on Apr 30th, Teeth extraction last week and now the peg this Friday.
I've had some time to think about what got me down about all of this yesterday and put it down to a number of things. Firstly, until now I understood what was going on and why, but am now entering a phase where we have had only very brief discussions or no discussions at all about what is to happen. Those that know me will know that I like to be in control of things and having things coming at me from left field - especially medical ones - just doesn't sit well with me. Understand the means to an end thing for the ultimate prize of beating this, but it is rather daunting.
Secondly, I'm a little vulnerable at moment. With the dental stuff still so "fresh" and trying to recover from that, I actually felt sick of being poked and prodded by all these people I'd never met. Again, understand they're only doing their jobs, but wonder if they know what the others are actually doing and when. Could be interesting if I get two of them trying to do stuff at the same time.
This leads to the third thing. This is all happening very fast. It was only a week yesterday I had my follow-up with Mr Morrissey, it is a week tomorrow I saw Mr Hamilton for the first time, had my teeth extracted last Friday, have an all-dayer on Wednesday and this Friday will have the peg inserted. Seems they're moving heaven and earth to get my treatments started, but I'm sort of caught in the eye of the storm.
Also experienced my first bout of what I'll call self-pity. Realisation set in that despite those around me supporting me as much as I'll let them, I'm to an extent alone in dealing with this. There have been times when just being able to turn to someone for a cuddle and words of support would have made me feel better and get me back on track, but that gap is part and parcel of being on my own right now. Talking to Faye last night helped put some of that in perspective though. If I wasn't "sick" right now, would be out doing things and not dwelling on the "loneliness" side of things - a fair call indeed. Honestly, it is rather scary at times and admit for a time yesterday my PMA just didn't exist.
It's back now though, so bring it on guys and girls.
Back to the speed thing. I'm beginning to think that those who complain about the speed of the health system aren't suffering potentially terminal diseases. I don't believe I'm receiving special treatment, so can only assume if there is a wait it is because they can bump them back a bit so they can attend to those that can't wait.
Any way, enough of that, time to get to work and deal to some of the normal stuff today.
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