From The Other Side - Part 1

Up until now, the blog has been my take on everything, but it occurred to me that those who have endured it from the supporter side should be given their opportunity to let you know what they went through and how they were feeling.  All too often, everything is geared towards the cancer sufferer, but those providing the support to me have had their own battles/demons to deal with and so I've asked both of my primary caregivers, Ruth S and Moira, to prepare a posting to share with you.


Moira has done hers (thanks Moiz, know it can't have been easy), so here it is.
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Russell asked me if I would like to add my own thoughts to his blog and I didn’t hesitate in saying yes.  Since his diagnosis, I have had so many thoughts going around in my head and so many, many emotions.  So, this is a little insight into Russell’s journey from my perspective.

When Russell rang me on that Friday night of 30 April, I went into immediate shock.  We have been in each others’ lives for 25 years and, in all that time, Russell has very rarely had more than a cold and he has certainly never spent time in hospital other than a couple of day-patient operations on his knees.  But this was a whole new ball game.  I took some time by myself to take in what Russell had told me and resolved to be strong for him and help him in his fight but all my good intentions went out of the window when I next saw him and I went to pieces.  I still beat myself up about that – here he was facing a fight for his life and all I could do was cry.  Not surprisingly, he opted not to allow me to attend his first treatment.  As always, he was quite right – he had to be strong and he couldn’t do that if he was worrying about me.  That is one of the things that is so special about him, he does worry about me despite what I have put him through.  He has been my rock for so long and now it was my turn to be the rock.  So I made a vow that I wouldn’t allow myself to fall apart when I was with Russell, I would leave that until I was alone or had a shoulder to cry on – my sister and a couple of friends experienced wet shoulders occasionally but I felt this was something I had to come to terms with myself and, as a result, I have a new-found inner strength. 

The first time I went with Russell to the hospital for his treatment was very daunting but I reminded myself that I had the easy part.  I often hear people say that they wished they could swap places with their loved ones – now I know what they mean.  Every time I watched Russell climb on that table for radiation I wanted to take his place and the first time I accompanied him for chemotherapy I felt it when he flinched as the needle went into his hand but he faced every challenge like the positive person he is and never gave up the fight.

Now, nine months on, and Russell has come through the other side.  It has been a difficult time for me but I constantly remind myself that, no matter how bad things are for me, it is worse for him.  I am so very proud of the way he has got through this but I can never thank him enough for the way he continued to look out for me throughout his treatment and continues to do so now.  I feel so very blessed to have him in my life and I will never, as long as there is a breath in my body, stop appreciating him and how very special he is.

When they say you never know what you have got until it is gone, they are so right.  This experience has opened my eyes and made me appreciate what I have.

Finally, to Russell.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me come along for the ride and to be there for you when you needed me.  Like I told you when you were first diagnosed, life isn’t fair – people like you don’t deserve to have this happen.  I wish only the best for you for the rest of your long life and I hope I will always be a part of your world.