And The Countdown Marches On

In around 10 hours, the treatments begin.


Over the last few days, the last pieces of the pre-treatment preparations have fallen into place at home.  The new stove is all wired in (and it's great to be able to control cooking via elements, etc that actually work); the HRV seems to be maintaining the house at a pretty comfortable temperature (14-16 degrees first thing in the morning) so the heat pump isn't working overtime; the new lounge suite has been here for a week (and has already proven great for falling asleep in on more than one occasion); I have the 2nd thermometer now; I've been drinking a couple of litres of water daily and I went shopping for a nice new plastic bucket today - although I hope I won't use it, if I do get nausea & vomiting, I'm ready.


I also finally found a more workable bag for my emergency stuff and have double checked my chill pills are in there ready for tomorrow.


Best of all - Jake and I have been friends all weekend.  No nasty surprises this weekend.


Bit annoyed Whitcoulls have been so slack with the kobo (e-reader).  They told me shipping would be on 18th (fine, means I'll still have by 28th), but when I rang again earlier in the week, they said was now not shipping until the week of the 28th.  I explained my situation and they confirmed I had been told the 18th was when it would ship, but they had underestimated the demand.  Really?  You reckon that when they say delivery will be 2-3 days and it has now taken over 4 weeks that they'd update those people with outstanding orders, but oh no, they just ignore them.  Nice lady said she'd talk to her supervisor and see if they could expedite my one given the circumstances, but as of a few minutes ago, still shows as "ready to ship".  Anyway, have packed a "proper" book to take tomorrow to help fill in the time.  iPhone is also fully charged, headphones are all sorted,  so I'm as prepared as I can be.



David & Kylie will be coming up to the hospital for a couple of hours around lunch time tomorrow, so that will give me other distractions as well.


I'll definitely be avoiding the McDonalds lunch fiasco that preceded my last meeting with Hugo, so will give lunch some thought once everything is under way.


So how am I really feeling?  To be honest, I'm feeling a tad nervous now.  Despite everyone's best efforts for this weekend to be as normal as possible (thanks especially Phil & Bax), I've had a number of calls during the day from people wishing me well for tomorrow and each time I've tried to sound really positive and upbeat, but the strange thing is with each call, I appreciate more the seriousness of what is about to happen and perversely, each good wish slightly erodes my confidence.  I'm not saying I'd prefer nobody to care (heaven forbid, it is these people who will be my strength in the coming weeks), but I had managed to cocoon myself and with the distractions over the last few days, I hadn't had to deal with the "reality".


Can't do that now and while writing these blog posts is normally quite therapeutic, on this occasion it is becoming quite the opposite.  Just like those message of goodwill, doing this is stripping away another layer and laying bear what tomorrow will bring.


With all this said, don't think I'm a jibbering cot case.  It is moments like these you need minties that I do feel a little alone.  Yes, it would be really great to have someone here to talk to and provide some human interaction and comfort, but that would probably also erode even more of my PMA because I'd be worrying about their feelings as well.  So, as you can probably tell, I'm somewhat confused right now.


I've waited for this to start for what I consider too long now and the indisputable truth is the trials and tribulations associated with the treatment I'm about to commence can no longer be ignored.  Perhaps surprisingly, I've still got a level of PMA that I would rate as being somewhere around 60-70%.  The end game is what this is all about and I'm going to win, so I say Bring It On.  With the skill, help and support of not only the medical teams, but also my extended family & friends, I'm going to knock this sucker over 1 day at a time and from tomorrow, there will be a new countdown, which will start with 48, because that is how many days until this will all be over.