Week One - What The Hell Was That?

OK, straight on to the doom and gloom.  I really need to get this out of my head - Week One has been a bastard of a week.  


While it is great to take the positive approach - 1 down, 6 to go - in reality this first week was not meant to deliver the trials and tribulations it has done.  That was meant to be weeks away.


On the plus side of things, the chemo didn't seem to knock me around too much, but that was more than countered by the effects of the anti-nausea drug cocktail.


And Thursday night delivered it's first definitive chemo side effect - the ringing in my ears has arrived.  It isn't a constant ringing, but man is it annoying.  At times it is just like a gentle wind in the distance on a nice summers day - you know, when you're walking along the road and a gentle breeze comes up and you can "feel" it in your ears.  At other times (like right now), it is a full on ringing in my ears.  Volume changes as well - sometimes it is like a low level electrical white noise, others, it is rather loud .  I'll try and think about what it sounds like at those times, but it it hard to describe.  End result, is my whole hearing is now out of whack.  It is like I'm wearing earmuffs all the time and the level of ringing is part of the filtering process.


Mentioned the ringing to nursie Ruth [I think for ease going forward, sister Ruth will be Ruth S and nursie Ruth will be Ruth N] on Friday and there is nothing they can do about it, but she'll make sure there is a note in my file so they take that into account for chemo cycle 2.  I'll also need to make doctor aware.  On the plus side, got a call Friday afternoon to have my hearing test on Monday afternoon.  At least we'll now have a benchmark to measure against before the next chemo cycle.


Friday, I withered and was glad to make it home, but getting home was just the start of what would be another weekend of TC related "fun".  As previously discussed, the drug cocktail had done a great job of screwing sleep patterns, etc and I just needed a lie down to try and recover.  I'd had some pizza (first in best part of 3 months) at work before coming home, so wasn't really into having anything substantial to eat Friday night, but that didn't stop my system having yet another hissy fit.


My whole body just felt drained - even lower energy levels than normal - and I ended up falling asleep on the couch within half an hour of getting home (as an aside, couch really comfortable, only problem was sharing it with the cats).  Awoke around 10:15 and didn't even have the energy to do my normal pre-bed medical routines (sorry Jake, I'll make it up to you).


So, the drug cocktail is starting to work it's way out of my system, but has being replaced with ringing in the ears - doesn't sound like a fair swap to me.


As could have been expected, the snooze on the couch meant I was awake early Saturday - 3:22 to be precise.  After a quick loo stop (damn fluid requirements), I also blew my nose and headed back to bed.  Decided to turn on TV this time, and just as was about to get into bed, felt my nose running.  Well, it turns out it was actually a full on blood nose that would occupy me for the next 30-40 minutes or so.  I very rarely suffer from bleeding noses, and automatically passed it off as another unwanted drug cocktail side effect (seems the dexamethasone makes you bleed easily - or is this just coincidence I had a bleeding nose this week?).


At this stage, also realised that the trips to the loo during the night saw me getting out of a warm bed, walking to the loo through a not-too-warm hallway, and then going back to a warm bed.  Not an ideal situation for avoiding coughs and colds - will buy an oil heater or two to keep chill off my room and the hallway.


Back to sleep and finally surfaced around 7:30am.  Still feeling washed out - not helped by the unwanted interruptions during the night - and my mouth was feeling like hell.  


Now, this was not your normal dry mouth type feeling, it just felt weird.  Despite a clean with my high fluoride toothpaste, it still didn't feel that flash.  Had to go and have my haircut and then pick up Bax & Pat from the airport, so decided to worry about it later - was probably just legacy from feeling run down, etc.


After the haircut, as I was heading into town, I decided to have a BK wrap for breakfast - it tasted awful - really bland - and I threw most of it away.  Breakfast take 2 - a bacon & egg mc'muffin - still tasted a bit off, but not as bad as the BK.


By this stage, some lights should have been coming on in my head, but they weren't.  A sausage at Mitre 10 that afternoon that tasted uncooked, followed by a roast pork dinner last night where I couldn't distinguish the tastes sealed it - my taste buds have already been nuked.  I was bloody sure this wasn't meant to happen in week 1 - week 4 was meant to be the nasty time of the treatment.  Bloody Hell!!


Today has been a verification exercise - and somewhat of a day of "shit, where to from here".


The dilemma - your eyes see what you're about to eat, your brain says "this should taste like that" and when it goes in your mouth, it might as well be cardboard.  An example.  KFC chips - always coated and have a unique, pleasant taste.  By comparison, fish & chip shop chips are rather "bland".  Imagine then, biting into some hot KFC chips, eyes and brain are on the same page, but your mouth says they are cold fish & chip shop chips.  Used Ruth S as a taste tester and her system confirmed that the tastes were indeed what they should have been.


So, now if I eat chicken, pork, potato, pumpkin, kumara, crumpets, potato chips, biscuits, chocolate, it all tastes the same. If I drink water, coke, mountain dew, it all tastes the same.  At least this means the terrible mouthwash won't be such an issue.


The big issue here is the way my body is processing all of this.  Eyes and brain are doing their thing based on a lifetime of previous experiences.  Mouth says that this isn't what it is meant to taste like and is telling firstly my stomach that it should be careful as it doesn't know what it is and secondly my brain that it might be a good idea not to eat any more of that.  This screws royally with my need to eat and provide my body with the sustenance it requires.  A KFC burger took over 15 minutes to force down - and believe me, it was a case of force as my system was fighting all the way.


Looks like another talk with Ruth N tomorrow, but I honestly don't know how the hell I'm going to fool my system for the next 6 weeks, let alone how much longer after the treatment finishes before some degree of taste buds return.


I have no desire to be fed primarily through Jake from such an early stage, so suppose am just going to have to keep working at it.


While we're on joyous subjects - would have expected the saliva glands to have taken a hit before the taste buds did, but didn't think there was any noticeable difference.  That said, and in light of all the crap above, it would explain why even now my throat is feeling dry. Suppose that is the problem when you don't know what things are meant to feel like, and you've had other issues masking what is going on.


For some positive news to end on - I am feeling a lot better today.  Have some energy back and am thinking with pretty much a clear head.  All back into the health routines and no issues with Jake.  Heaters in my bedroom and hallway worked a treat last night and the little sniffles I had seem to be going away.  And, no repeat blood noses.


5 down, 30 to go.