Winter is always a strange time of year. We expect the colder weather to make us feel grumpy, yearn for summer (all 2 sunny days of it) and dream of lying on a stunning beach on some sun-drenched pacific island. And let' not forget the inevitable winter ills.
I've never had a flu-injection, partially because I keep hearing stories about people actually getting the flu from them (apparently an urban myth, but the jury is still out for me), and partially because I don't see much sense in vaccinating yourself against last year's strain. In all fairness, I have been pretty lucky, enjoying sufficiently good health not to fall victim to full blown flu, but instead enduring a few days of heavy head and/or chest colds form time to time.
When I started my cancer treatments back in July 2010, it was made clear to me that my immune system would take a hit, and fever/infection was my enemy. It was as blunt as if my temperature hit 38 degrees, it was straight to the hospital for me. Moving forward to winter 2011, I only suffered a mild head cold that responded to a couple of days away from work (as much as a prevention strategy to ensure I didn't get exposed to anything else going around the office at the time).
So, you can imaging my surprise this year, as early in the flu season as it is, that I've been off work since last Friday afternoon and won't be making my way back until Thursday. That's effectively a week of being laid low. Damn, blast it.
I didn't think it was anything major, but come Sunday when my whole body felt like it was in shutdown and I was forever chasing my runny nose, I decided some intervention was required. First instinct was a trip to the pharmacy for an over the counter solution, but by the time my symptoms (and treatment history) were disclosed, they recommended a trip to the Doctor instead. Bugger. Never mind, got an appointment for 2pm, so just suffered in semi-silence until then.
As it turned out, the 2pm appointment was the first after their lunch-break, so there was no waiting - somebody was looking out for me. After the obligatory checks, and again relaying my history, the after-hours doctor decided I didn't have a chest infection, but the colour of the mucus in my throat indicted something wasn't right, so I ended up with some antibiotics to deal to that (and effectively hold a potential chest infection at bay).
Two interesting things came out of all this. Firstly, my temperature was 37.9 degrees. 22 months ago, that would have been sufficient to have us getting ready for an ambulance trip to the hospital to avoid hitting the "magic" 38 degree threshold. Just as was the case all that time ago, I'd never given any thought to actually taking my temperature, but my excuse now is I didn't think it was as big an issue as it was then.
The second factlet was both more interesting and scary. According to the Doc, I've still got to be very mindful of infections, because apparently cancers "respond" unfavourably to infections. There seems to be some school of thought that cancers can be activated by infections.
Couple of thoughts here. If this is true, how come nobody had mentioned it before at any of the clinics. And, if it is indeed the case, I certainly wouldn't have waited as long to go to the Doctor. Gees, with everything I've been through, the last thing I want to happen is to give TC a foot in the door again.
So, I've got something to raise with the gang of seven in June.
I am however happy to report that the drugs seems to be working. My body isn't aching anywhere near as much today, the runny nose has almost dried up, and the coughing is nowhere as violent. Now to just get some energy back.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Give & Take
As with most things throughout this ongoing process, the good parts always seem to come at a price. Sure, most of them aren't particularly high prices to be paid, but nevertheless there are always adjustments going on.
Today is 2 years since my initial diagnosis and I'm writing this almost to the hour I was told. Some would say that wasn't a particularly nice birthday present (I'm one of them to be perfectly honest), but looking at the bigger picture, I'm still here and healthy and a better person in so many ways because of it.
I've talked about many of the "new normal" adjustments over the last year or so and I think I'd have to say that, at last, even the minor tweaks are becoming few and far between. Has my body reached what it deems to be the end of the change & recovery process? I'm thinking maybe it has and the changes I'm still experiencing are now just me adjusting to what my body wants.
Many years ago, I woke up one morning allergic to sun tan lotions. My GP at the time told me that there was no real reason for it, just my body deciding it wanted a change of sorts. It took me probably 12 months of trial and error (and a lot of antihistamines to control the resulting rash & itching) to find a sun block I could use that didn't cause a reaction - and this year they changed the formula and packaging to test me some more. The jury is still out on that, but the allergy still exists some 10 odd years later.
Why then am I surprised this significantly more invasive attack on my body has taken so long to settle down? Truth be told, I'm not. The specialists set an expectation it would be a couple of months for my body to settle down post-treatment and 12 months for the immune system to recover. Got to love optimism, but that triggered all sorts of emotional targets that were in reality totally unrealistic. I wanted / needed the negative stuff associated with my cancer to be gone as quick as possible - the cancer has gone, now make the pain go too. If only there had been a magic pill for that (although the morphine did help quell the concerns through the really bad times).
Where am I going with all of this? Give & Take. At its most simple level, the treatments gave my body the opportunity to rid itself of the cancer, I had to take the pain and ongoing consequences of it doing that. At a higher level, there have been the numerous changes in diet, etc to contend with, but for every "take" there was and continues to a greater "give" - the overall end game - life.
Sitting here, enjoying another birthday, it seems appropriate to be somewhat philosophical, but today is a joyous one, so enough of that.
The latest little twist? I really do think there has been an improvement on the saliva front. It's not by any means a major recovery, but I'm happy to take every little thing I can get. That's the give, the take is I've become less tolerant to garlic.
You might say so what, but you see I developed a taste for garlic quite late in life (Moira and others keep waiting for me to acquire a similar desire for mushrooms, but that is just not going to happen if I have nay say in it) and have embraced garlic bread, garlic butter on steaks, etc now for many years.
When the eating process resumed late 2010 / early 2011, bread was still off the menu, but over recent months I've been able to partake of a piece or two of garlic bread. Garlic butter was never a problem and has been a welcome aid to keep my meat moist these days. To complete the picture, I've had to adjust my diet to minimise spices as they tend to aggravate my throat. It has gotten as bad as needing to find tomato sauce that has minimal spices in it and that hasn't been easy.
So, with the scene now painted, imagine my concern when after a meal out last week, I got a quite severe bout of irritated throat that could only be attributed to the garlic bread. Seems that if the garlic isn't effectively granulated, the "pieces" are sufficient to irritate my throat. Garlic butter is still fine (phew), but I'm now having to assess garlic toppings for suitability.
The second twist is (no pun intended) KFC Twisters. These have become part of my lunch options because the chicken tends to be moist and they come wrapped in a tortilla type bread (easy to digest) along with some salad. Sure, I have to request normal mayo over the normal spicy menu sauce optional, but they have been enjoyable. It seems KFC has decided to try and be a bit healthier with it's menu offerings and ruined the twister for me. They now include sliced red onion (never a favourite) and goddamn peppers in the salad. That's the take, on the give side, I've now given my lunchtime business to subway - via the chicken teriyaki wrap. To be honest, it is actually more enjoyable than the KFC one, and probably healthier.
See what I mean, sometimes the take yields a greater good. Ain't life wonderful.
Today is 2 years since my initial diagnosis and I'm writing this almost to the hour I was told. Some would say that wasn't a particularly nice birthday present (I'm one of them to be perfectly honest), but looking at the bigger picture, I'm still here and healthy and a better person in so many ways because of it.
I've talked about many of the "new normal" adjustments over the last year or so and I think I'd have to say that, at last, even the minor tweaks are becoming few and far between. Has my body reached what it deems to be the end of the change & recovery process? I'm thinking maybe it has and the changes I'm still experiencing are now just me adjusting to what my body wants.
Many years ago, I woke up one morning allergic to sun tan lotions. My GP at the time told me that there was no real reason for it, just my body deciding it wanted a change of sorts. It took me probably 12 months of trial and error (and a lot of antihistamines to control the resulting rash & itching) to find a sun block I could use that didn't cause a reaction - and this year they changed the formula and packaging to test me some more. The jury is still out on that, but the allergy still exists some 10 odd years later.
Why then am I surprised this significantly more invasive attack on my body has taken so long to settle down? Truth be told, I'm not. The specialists set an expectation it would be a couple of months for my body to settle down post-treatment and 12 months for the immune system to recover. Got to love optimism, but that triggered all sorts of emotional targets that were in reality totally unrealistic. I wanted / needed the negative stuff associated with my cancer to be gone as quick as possible - the cancer has gone, now make the pain go too. If only there had been a magic pill for that (although the morphine did help quell the concerns through the really bad times).
Where am I going with all of this? Give & Take. At its most simple level, the treatments gave my body the opportunity to rid itself of the cancer, I had to take the pain and ongoing consequences of it doing that. At a higher level, there have been the numerous changes in diet, etc to contend with, but for every "take" there was and continues to a greater "give" - the overall end game - life.
Sitting here, enjoying another birthday, it seems appropriate to be somewhat philosophical, but today is a joyous one, so enough of that.
The latest little twist? I really do think there has been an improvement on the saliva front. It's not by any means a major recovery, but I'm happy to take every little thing I can get. That's the give, the take is I've become less tolerant to garlic.
You might say so what, but you see I developed a taste for garlic quite late in life (Moira and others keep waiting for me to acquire a similar desire for mushrooms, but that is just not going to happen if I have nay say in it) and have embraced garlic bread, garlic butter on steaks, etc now for many years.
When the eating process resumed late 2010 / early 2011, bread was still off the menu, but over recent months I've been able to partake of a piece or two of garlic bread. Garlic butter was never a problem and has been a welcome aid to keep my meat moist these days. To complete the picture, I've had to adjust my diet to minimise spices as they tend to aggravate my throat. It has gotten as bad as needing to find tomato sauce that has minimal spices in it and that hasn't been easy.
So, with the scene now painted, imagine my concern when after a meal out last week, I got a quite severe bout of irritated throat that could only be attributed to the garlic bread. Seems that if the garlic isn't effectively granulated, the "pieces" are sufficient to irritate my throat. Garlic butter is still fine (phew), but I'm now having to assess garlic toppings for suitability.
The second twist is (no pun intended) KFC Twisters. These have become part of my lunch options because the chicken tends to be moist and they come wrapped in a tortilla type bread (easy to digest) along with some salad. Sure, I have to request normal mayo over the normal spicy menu sauce optional, but they have been enjoyable. It seems KFC has decided to try and be a bit healthier with it's menu offerings and ruined the twister for me. They now include sliced red onion (never a favourite) and goddamn peppers in the salad. That's the take, on the give side, I've now given my lunchtime business to subway - via the chicken teriyaki wrap. To be honest, it is actually more enjoyable than the KFC one, and probably healthier.
See what I mean, sometimes the take yields a greater good. Ain't life wonderful.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Three More Months
The gang of seven was down to the gang of four at my clinic appointment on the 28th.
I saw Mr Hamilton walking around, but he didn't come to my appointment, so I'm wondering if he concentrates on those undergoing treatment and those immediately post-treatment.
Whatever the reason, it didn't make much difference to the outcome. I've got another clean bill for another 3 months, and that is all that matters.
I told them about the potential saliva recovery, and while initially somewhat surprised, but also were of the opinion that this is about the time they'd expect to see something happen if it was going to.
Shirley the speech therapist was there and she did another jaw opening test - this time I'm good for 36mm jaw opening. Also an improvement.
Nothing was said about my slight weight increase, so I'll take it from that they aren't at all concerned.
Did I get stressed out beforehand like usual? Only a little bit - and it only really kicked in as I left work to go to the appointment.
Three weeks to go for the 2nd anniversary of the confirmed diagnosis. Wow. So much has happened in that time and I continue to be somewhat overwhelmed when I look back over that journey. Despite the passage of time dulling some of the memories, I'll never forget, nor do I want to, what I've been through, or the opportunities I now have.
I saw Mr Hamilton walking around, but he didn't come to my appointment, so I'm wondering if he concentrates on those undergoing treatment and those immediately post-treatment.
Whatever the reason, it didn't make much difference to the outcome. I've got another clean bill for another 3 months, and that is all that matters.
I told them about the potential saliva recovery, and while initially somewhat surprised, but also were of the opinion that this is about the time they'd expect to see something happen if it was going to.
Shirley the speech therapist was there and she did another jaw opening test - this time I'm good for 36mm jaw opening. Also an improvement.
Nothing was said about my slight weight increase, so I'll take it from that they aren't at all concerned.
Did I get stressed out beforehand like usual? Only a little bit - and it only really kicked in as I left work to go to the appointment.
Three weeks to go for the 2nd anniversary of the confirmed diagnosis. Wow. So much has happened in that time and I continue to be somewhat overwhelmed when I look back over that journey. Despite the passage of time dulling some of the memories, I'll never forget, nor do I want to, what I've been through, or the opportunities I now have.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Is It Time To Celebrate?
I've talked in previous posts about some of the nuances I'm experiencing with regards the residual side effects of my treatment. So, as I've been rather tardy of late with regards updating the blog (sorry), it's time I gave you an update, and to be honest, some of it is quite exciting (at least to me). In no particular order.
Holidays
I've been on holiday for the last week and I have to confess it has been somewhat of a revelation. In the past, I've found it really hard to wind down and actually relax, but this past week I've just rolled with it and feel genuinely refreshed as a result. Sure, I had a list of things I wanted to do, but I haven't done them all and I'm fine with that. If the mood has taken me, I've gone and done something, equally I've just blobbed around the house doing effectively nothing.
Holidays to me always used to involve a day or so of winding down, a couple of days of supposed relaxation (there were always activities that we're supposed to be relaxing, but as they were structured, they were never going to be that), then the rest of the time I'd be thinking about getting back to work.
This last week was effectively my first proper holiday since returning to work last year, so I certainly needed and if this one was an example I'm looking forward to the next one.
Why the change in "approach" to this week off? Not really sure, but have no doubt the shift in focus re what is really important in life has had an impact.
Hearing
I've been having fortnightly appointments with Nicholas to tweak the hearing aids. It looks like we've got them pretty much sorted now and I find them a natural accessory to wear so to speak. But, as with most things there are some downsides to this newly enhanced ability to hear.
There have been a couple of occasions where the the background noise level has been abnormally loud in bursts and the amplification provided by the aids makes it quite unpleasant - oh to be able to anticipate such events so one could take the things out first.
I also still get the occasional squelching through the aids - in one instance at work, it was so loud my colleague sitting next to me could actually hear it as well.
On the plus side, it is definitely easier to hear conversations in noisy environments, which was the main problem.
So, overall, good progress, but I think maybe one more session is needed to iron out the last few niggles.
Weight
This has become a somewhat conflicting issue. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been a bit slack with regards exercise and eating (yes I do have a list of "valid" excuses, just like everyone else does). As a result my weight has crept up a little. So one of my goals this week was to get out and exercise. I succeeded well for the 1st 3 days, before a bad shoe choice delivered blisters on both heels. Despite all the effort, the weight has stayed reasonably neutral - bugger.
Can I fall back on the old myth "muscle weighs more than fat"? - of course not, we all know that a kilo is a kilo no matter what it is of. Maybe I can blame the thyroxine? Not sure, will just have to keep an eye on it and re-establish the previous exercise and eating habits.
On the positive side, if there is any extra weight, it isn't showing where it "counts" - my clothes are still fitting just fine.
Saliva
The effects of the treatment on my saliva is still an ongoing mystery tour. While things have largely settled down, there are still occasions where I'm surprised by it all.
When sitting down for a meal now, I find I can pretty much keep pace with a "normal" eater. Sure, it does depend to some extent on the nature of the meal, but the days of me still chewing away 5-10 minutes after everyone else has finished seem to be over.
I've also been noticing that the need to continually drink to keep the throat lubricated isn't as onerous as it has been. Providing I'm limiting the amount of talking I'm doing, I can almost get away with what I'd consider a normal water intake - and the heat of the day doesn't really seem to impact either. I'm also needing less liquid during the night. These all represent a quite significant change.
Coupled with this, I've been finding that my ability to eat previous "troublesome" foods has improved as well, for instance bread isn't quite the same obstacle it has been. But wait, there's more. Traditionally, I've tended to favour eating on my right side (because the left suffered most with the treatment), but I'm now starting to venture into the right side without too much difficulty. It is still quite a new thing and I'm still "learning" to use that side of my mouth more.
The gang of 7 always told me that the saliva glands wouldn't recover (nuked forever), but they also told me the hair follicles on my jaw wouldn't either and they're back. So, we might just have a breakthrough? Hopefully. The clinic appointment at the end of the month could be quite interesting.
I'd actually be quite happy with just the extra "freedom" I'm currently getting, but the possibility of further recovery of my saliva glands is indeed a juicy prospect.
Holidays
I've been on holiday for the last week and I have to confess it has been somewhat of a revelation. In the past, I've found it really hard to wind down and actually relax, but this past week I've just rolled with it and feel genuinely refreshed as a result. Sure, I had a list of things I wanted to do, but I haven't done them all and I'm fine with that. If the mood has taken me, I've gone and done something, equally I've just blobbed around the house doing effectively nothing.
Holidays to me always used to involve a day or so of winding down, a couple of days of supposed relaxation (there were always activities that we're supposed to be relaxing, but as they were structured, they were never going to be that), then the rest of the time I'd be thinking about getting back to work.
This last week was effectively my first proper holiday since returning to work last year, so I certainly needed and if this one was an example I'm looking forward to the next one.
Why the change in "approach" to this week off? Not really sure, but have no doubt the shift in focus re what is really important in life has had an impact.
Hearing
I've been having fortnightly appointments with Nicholas to tweak the hearing aids. It looks like we've got them pretty much sorted now and I find them a natural accessory to wear so to speak. But, as with most things there are some downsides to this newly enhanced ability to hear.
There have been a couple of occasions where the the background noise level has been abnormally loud in bursts and the amplification provided by the aids makes it quite unpleasant - oh to be able to anticipate such events so one could take the things out first.
I also still get the occasional squelching through the aids - in one instance at work, it was so loud my colleague sitting next to me could actually hear it as well.
On the plus side, it is definitely easier to hear conversations in noisy environments, which was the main problem.
So, overall, good progress, but I think maybe one more session is needed to iron out the last few niggles.
Weight
This has become a somewhat conflicting issue. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been a bit slack with regards exercise and eating (yes I do have a list of "valid" excuses, just like everyone else does). As a result my weight has crept up a little. So one of my goals this week was to get out and exercise. I succeeded well for the 1st 3 days, before a bad shoe choice delivered blisters on both heels. Despite all the effort, the weight has stayed reasonably neutral - bugger.
Can I fall back on the old myth "muscle weighs more than fat"? - of course not, we all know that a kilo is a kilo no matter what it is of. Maybe I can blame the thyroxine? Not sure, will just have to keep an eye on it and re-establish the previous exercise and eating habits.
On the positive side, if there is any extra weight, it isn't showing where it "counts" - my clothes are still fitting just fine.
Saliva
The effects of the treatment on my saliva is still an ongoing mystery tour. While things have largely settled down, there are still occasions where I'm surprised by it all.
When sitting down for a meal now, I find I can pretty much keep pace with a "normal" eater. Sure, it does depend to some extent on the nature of the meal, but the days of me still chewing away 5-10 minutes after everyone else has finished seem to be over.
I've also been noticing that the need to continually drink to keep the throat lubricated isn't as onerous as it has been. Providing I'm limiting the amount of talking I'm doing, I can almost get away with what I'd consider a normal water intake - and the heat of the day doesn't really seem to impact either. I'm also needing less liquid during the night. These all represent a quite significant change.
Coupled with this, I've been finding that my ability to eat previous "troublesome" foods has improved as well, for instance bread isn't quite the same obstacle it has been. But wait, there's more. Traditionally, I've tended to favour eating on my right side (because the left suffered most with the treatment), but I'm now starting to venture into the right side without too much difficulty. It is still quite a new thing and I'm still "learning" to use that side of my mouth more.
The gang of 7 always told me that the saliva glands wouldn't recover (nuked forever), but they also told me the hair follicles on my jaw wouldn't either and they're back. So, we might just have a breakthrough? Hopefully. The clinic appointment at the end of the month could be quite interesting.
I'd actually be quite happy with just the extra "freedom" I'm currently getting, but the possibility of further recovery of my saliva glands is indeed a juicy prospect.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Healer or Suppressant
As I sat in the dentist chair last week, enduring some slow drilling as he removed an old filling in a broken tooth, I was experiencing double pain - the economic one (another god-damn crown) and the physical one.
With little else to do, I started to think about the last time I'd experienced that sort of physical pain/discomfort and it seemed that the logical time was during my treatments in mid 2010. That in itself seems so long ago now, but while pondering the pain history, it occurred to me that I couldn't actually remember any real pain any more. So, is time really a great healer, or does time merely end up superceding or suppressing the painful memory, in some kind of defence mechanism?
Sure, a week down the track, and with some effort, I can now remember some moments of pain, but given the total period of my treatments, they are relatively few and far between, so why is that? Logic says that the experts got the medication regime spot on pretty quickly and morphine will without doubt continue to be my favourite pain relief for many years to come (although, I'd rather not have to undergo any sort of situation that required it thank you very much), but is it that simple. Sure, the drugs are there to manage the pain, but isn't that just the point - without any pain, how do you know it's working?
From conversations I've had with people who visited me at hospital, it would appear I'd quite happily phase in and out, talking to them one minute and waking up some time later to resume conversation. I was obviously in a very happy drug-induced space, so it's no wonder I struggle to remember the pain. The first week of treatment is memorable for the issues with "accepting" Jake, but the only real pain was the needles & cannulas that started to become part of an ongoing cycle, so after a while you just accepted them (as much as it is possible to do so) and as they became routine, so did the acceptance of the discomfort they brought with them.
When the effects of the chemo started kicking in, and as the proper medication regime fired up, there was undoubtedly real pain to deal with (check this posting out to see how things were going early on in the process), but I struggle to remember now how it really felt then - thankfully the blog postings help there.
As I came out the other end of the treatments, and they started to wean me off the morphine, they were looking to ensure that with each reduction I wasn't requiring top-ups in the form of the morphine elixir to keep the pain away, so even at this late stage, there was expectation of some pain. By the time I was totally morphine-free, things had obviously run their course and I had no need for any drugs whatsoever (ignoring the temporary distraction of the subsequent gastric bug and it's treatment).
Back to the original question then - is the passage of time really a healer, or just a mechanism to help us forget? A part of me doesn't really care - I'm just thankful to still be hear to ponder this issue. Another part of me thinks the latter is probably closer to the mark.
I suppose the reality is we need to accept the body (in its entirety including the mind) is a truly marvellous machine. It has the ability to self-heal (in a large number of circumstances), accept all sorts of abuse and make adjustments to keep on working, manages to let us remember things - both good and bad - at will, gives us the ability to learn & feel new things, yet it doesn't let us forget the past. It's almost like there is an inbuilt mechanism that periodically forces us to revisit past events, just to remind us not to take things for granted.
With little else to do, I started to think about the last time I'd experienced that sort of physical pain/discomfort and it seemed that the logical time was during my treatments in mid 2010. That in itself seems so long ago now, but while pondering the pain history, it occurred to me that I couldn't actually remember any real pain any more. So, is time really a great healer, or does time merely end up superceding or suppressing the painful memory, in some kind of defence mechanism?
Sure, a week down the track, and with some effort, I can now remember some moments of pain, but given the total period of my treatments, they are relatively few and far between, so why is that? Logic says that the experts got the medication regime spot on pretty quickly and morphine will without doubt continue to be my favourite pain relief for many years to come (although, I'd rather not have to undergo any sort of situation that required it thank you very much), but is it that simple. Sure, the drugs are there to manage the pain, but isn't that just the point - without any pain, how do you know it's working?
From conversations I've had with people who visited me at hospital, it would appear I'd quite happily phase in and out, talking to them one minute and waking up some time later to resume conversation. I was obviously in a very happy drug-induced space, so it's no wonder I struggle to remember the pain. The first week of treatment is memorable for the issues with "accepting" Jake, but the only real pain was the needles & cannulas that started to become part of an ongoing cycle, so after a while you just accepted them (as much as it is possible to do so) and as they became routine, so did the acceptance of the discomfort they brought with them.
When the effects of the chemo started kicking in, and as the proper medication regime fired up, there was undoubtedly real pain to deal with (check this posting out to see how things were going early on in the process), but I struggle to remember now how it really felt then - thankfully the blog postings help there.
As I came out the other end of the treatments, and they started to wean me off the morphine, they were looking to ensure that with each reduction I wasn't requiring top-ups in the form of the morphine elixir to keep the pain away, so even at this late stage, there was expectation of some pain. By the time I was totally morphine-free, things had obviously run their course and I had no need for any drugs whatsoever (ignoring the temporary distraction of the subsequent gastric bug and it's treatment).
Back to the original question then - is the passage of time really a healer, or just a mechanism to help us forget? A part of me doesn't really care - I'm just thankful to still be hear to ponder this issue. Another part of me thinks the latter is probably closer to the mark.
I suppose the reality is we need to accept the body (in its entirety including the mind) is a truly marvellous machine. It has the ability to self-heal (in a large number of circumstances), accept all sorts of abuse and make adjustments to keep on working, manages to let us remember things - both good and bad - at will, gives us the ability to learn & feel new things, yet it doesn't let us forget the past. It's almost like there is an inbuilt mechanism that periodically forces us to revisit past events, just to remind us not to take things for granted.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Same Old, Same Old?
With the slightly slower pace of life over the holiday period, I've had time to think about the day to day practicalities of my "new-normal". Yes, I know it's been over a year since the new-normal surfaced and it could probably be considered plain old normal now, but I refuse to accept anything as normal now. The reality is I'm still treating each day as somewhat of an added bonus and trying to make the most of them. So I can't accept that a "normal" normal exists.
It's with these rose coloured glasses that I look at what my days consist of and that's why I've named this post what I did.
It would be very easy to say that the major changes are all now over, so I'm just getting on with it (thus the "same old, same old") but there are still enough little "quirks" that convince me otherwise.
The experts always said it would take a year or so for my body to normalise after treatment finished, and they were right. This is however, the first real summer since that period sort of lapsed and some of the nuances over the last month or so have been quite interesting - to me at least.
My old nemesis - the AWOL saliva - has actually become slightly less of an issue. Yes, it is still ever-present, but I was expecting it to be more pronounced in the summer heat. Instead, I've found I'm actually "needing" less water. This could of course be partially due to the fact I've been doing less talking with people away, but even so, my need to lubricate my throat is reasonably lower than it was even a month ago. Just as the hair on my jaw has grown back when it wasn't meant to (radiated = no more hair), this slight "softening" of the saliva issue may seem minor to most, but to me it is a very interesting development.
Another interesting tidbit is that despite the holiday excesses of food and reduced exercise regime, my weight has remained pretty static. Given my weight pre-treatment, I was sort of expecting to see some of it creeping back by now. Sure, I've been pretty committed to exercise of late (my bike is my friend again and it's rather therapeutic out either cruising the streets or pounding the pavement), but I still expected to put on a few kg during the "downtime". It would appear my body is quite happy now processing what I'm eating and no longer stores excesses "just in case". Great. I can also confirm that once I resumed my exercise, the extra weight such as it was faded away within a week or so. My weight has now been stable for a year - that to me is a real positive.
I've also had some good news from both my osteopath & acupuncturist They're both happy with the way my neck is finally starting to loosen up, and the appointments for both have now been extended out to monthly from fortnightly. There is still some way to go, but the degree of movement I have now is a vast improvement.
Add in an ever improving level of energy/stamina/fitness (whichever label spins your wheels), and there are enough changes still occurring that I have no doubt my life is still far from being days filled with just the same old same old.
It's with these rose coloured glasses that I look at what my days consist of and that's why I've named this post what I did.
It would be very easy to say that the major changes are all now over, so I'm just getting on with it (thus the "same old, same old") but there are still enough little "quirks" that convince me otherwise.
The experts always said it would take a year or so for my body to normalise after treatment finished, and they were right. This is however, the first real summer since that period sort of lapsed and some of the nuances over the last month or so have been quite interesting - to me at least.
My old nemesis - the AWOL saliva - has actually become slightly less of an issue. Yes, it is still ever-present, but I was expecting it to be more pronounced in the summer heat. Instead, I've found I'm actually "needing" less water. This could of course be partially due to the fact I've been doing less talking with people away, but even so, my need to lubricate my throat is reasonably lower than it was even a month ago. Just as the hair on my jaw has grown back when it wasn't meant to (radiated = no more hair), this slight "softening" of the saliva issue may seem minor to most, but to me it is a very interesting development.
Another interesting tidbit is that despite the holiday excesses of food and reduced exercise regime, my weight has remained pretty static. Given my weight pre-treatment, I was sort of expecting to see some of it creeping back by now. Sure, I've been pretty committed to exercise of late (my bike is my friend again and it's rather therapeutic out either cruising the streets or pounding the pavement), but I still expected to put on a few kg during the "downtime". It would appear my body is quite happy now processing what I'm eating and no longer stores excesses "just in case". Great. I can also confirm that once I resumed my exercise, the extra weight such as it was faded away within a week or so. My weight has now been stable for a year - that to me is a real positive.
I've also had some good news from both my osteopath & acupuncturist They're both happy with the way my neck is finally starting to loosen up, and the appointments for both have now been extended out to monthly from fortnightly. There is still some way to go, but the degree of movement I have now is a vast improvement.
Add in an ever improving level of energy/stamina/fitness (whichever label spins your wheels), and there are enough changes still occurring that I have no doubt my life is still far from being days filled with just the same old same old.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011 - A Much Better Year
At this time last year, I did a year in review piece (see here) and it is therefore only right and proper that 2011 gets the same acknowledgement.
Wow, have things changed this year. It would be very easy to gloss over the many events of the year, because when push comes to shove, surely it is the end result that is important isn't it?
That is where I struggle a bit. My "new normal" effectively dictates that I don't take life for granted any more and that means I end up both analysing and in most cases appreciating things that have had an influence on my life. So with this 'ethos" in place, here goes.
The year started with a return to work full-time and while I did struggle with energy levels, etc initially, I'm now back to doing full days without any noticeable side effects. I did start off by being very diligent with my hours and concede I've fallen somewhat back into longer hours, but 2012 is a new year, so will tweak things back a bit. Important thing here is I acknowledge I've "fallen off the wagon" and need to adjust for the long term gain. Given the events of 2010, it has been really good for me mentally being fully immersed into work again.
During the year, the Gang of Seven continued to play their part and as I sit here now, I feel the last of my concerns have finally been addressed. With the aid of the thyroxine (late October) I finally got control back over regulating my body temperature and I've been able to enjoy the recent lovely hot weather. And in late November the hearing aids finally provided some relief with regards my ongoing hearing issues. The subsequent tweaking of the volume has only enhanced the experience, and I'm sure the next/final tweak in early January will complete the process.
The one thing I struggled with for most of the year was my inability to accept that I had beaten the cancer, with each pending clinic appointment bringing on a bout of anxiety. I think I've finally beaten that as well. I'm looking forward to moving on without that fear as I know it has held me back a little.
It has been a good year as well as far as the other "potential" health issues go. The annual diabetes check has me back to normal levels, and the hemochromatosis is now also back down to levels that are within the desired range.
Sure, the good old saliva issues are still there, but like so many of the other "minor" inconveniences, I have found ways around it. My eating is pretty much back to normal (albeit that mealtimes still require more time than they used to as I compensate for restricted jaw movement, etc) and I'm even eating a bit more bread "comfortably". I still have to be careful with anything spicy (having even found the need to experiment with things like tomato sauce to find one with low/no spice content), but I consider these adjustments are now just part of life. And I must be doing something right as the weight is remaining nice and stable.
There are still some things from my past that I still can't eat, but I've moved on and no longer really miss them. In most cases they have been substituted for something else - and it is normally something that is better for me. I will say though, that I'm pleased to be able to eat a bit more chocolate now than I could at the start of 2011, although the quantity is way down on what I used to be able to consume. The same applies to alcohol- while I can at least drink a couple of beers now, I certainly can't handle the quantities I used to. I'm pretty much in designated driver territory now. Wine is still pretty much 100% off the "menu" though. What I've tried to date is just too dry on my throat and I can't be bothered even trying now.
My general energy & stamina levels are also continuing to improve in leaps and bounds. I'm now regularly walking for a solid 60-90 minutes without any problem, and currently alternating the walking with biking for 40 minutes minimum. The workout from the bike rides is so much better/satisfying that I'm actually leaning more towards the cycling whenever practicable. It is more challenging and I can really feel I'm pushing myself, whereas walking doesn't deliver that same buzz any more. Hills still present a challenge, but I'll get there with time.
Ongoing issues being taken forward into 2012 are actually pretty minimal. I'm still receiving treatment for my tight neck muscles and everyone concerned (osteo & acupuncturist) are happy with progress to date. Hopefully we'll have a major breakthrough early in the year and will be able to tick that off as well. Worst case is we'll hit a plateau where there is no further improvement, and that will be my new normal as far as that is concerned.
While I'll never forget what I've been through (and nor do I want to), I must say I'm no longer "haunted" by the experience and am really just moving forward with my new life now.
I said some time ago that I'd continue this blog until such time as I received the final all clear from the Oncologist. I've still to get that, but I'm also in the mindset now that it is almost a matter of process now. I think once they're happy with the results of the thyroxine (next appointment is late March) they'll stretch the appointments out and that will signal the start of the final stages. See PMA still working.
The Russell going forward into 2012 is, I believe, a considerably stronger person both physically and mentally than the one that started 2011, so watch out everybody. I hope you are all looking forward to the new year as much as I am.
Wow, have things changed this year. It would be very easy to gloss over the many events of the year, because when push comes to shove, surely it is the end result that is important isn't it?
That is where I struggle a bit. My "new normal" effectively dictates that I don't take life for granted any more and that means I end up both analysing and in most cases appreciating things that have had an influence on my life. So with this 'ethos" in place, here goes.
The year started with a return to work full-time and while I did struggle with energy levels, etc initially, I'm now back to doing full days without any noticeable side effects. I did start off by being very diligent with my hours and concede I've fallen somewhat back into longer hours, but 2012 is a new year, so will tweak things back a bit. Important thing here is I acknowledge I've "fallen off the wagon" and need to adjust for the long term gain. Given the events of 2010, it has been really good for me mentally being fully immersed into work again.
During the year, the Gang of Seven continued to play their part and as I sit here now, I feel the last of my concerns have finally been addressed. With the aid of the thyroxine (late October) I finally got control back over regulating my body temperature and I've been able to enjoy the recent lovely hot weather. And in late November the hearing aids finally provided some relief with regards my ongoing hearing issues. The subsequent tweaking of the volume has only enhanced the experience, and I'm sure the next/final tweak in early January will complete the process.
The one thing I struggled with for most of the year was my inability to accept that I had beaten the cancer, with each pending clinic appointment bringing on a bout of anxiety. I think I've finally beaten that as well. I'm looking forward to moving on without that fear as I know it has held me back a little.
It has been a good year as well as far as the other "potential" health issues go. The annual diabetes check has me back to normal levels, and the hemochromatosis is now also back down to levels that are within the desired range.
Sure, the good old saliva issues are still there, but like so many of the other "minor" inconveniences, I have found ways around it. My eating is pretty much back to normal (albeit that mealtimes still require more time than they used to as I compensate for restricted jaw movement, etc) and I'm even eating a bit more bread "comfortably". I still have to be careful with anything spicy (having even found the need to experiment with things like tomato sauce to find one with low/no spice content), but I consider these adjustments are now just part of life. And I must be doing something right as the weight is remaining nice and stable.
There are still some things from my past that I still can't eat, but I've moved on and no longer really miss them. In most cases they have been substituted for something else - and it is normally something that is better for me. I will say though, that I'm pleased to be able to eat a bit more chocolate now than I could at the start of 2011, although the quantity is way down on what I used to be able to consume. The same applies to alcohol- while I can at least drink a couple of beers now, I certainly can't handle the quantities I used to. I'm pretty much in designated driver territory now. Wine is still pretty much 100% off the "menu" though. What I've tried to date is just too dry on my throat and I can't be bothered even trying now.
My general energy & stamina levels are also continuing to improve in leaps and bounds. I'm now regularly walking for a solid 60-90 minutes without any problem, and currently alternating the walking with biking for 40 minutes minimum. The workout from the bike rides is so much better/satisfying that I'm actually leaning more towards the cycling whenever practicable. It is more challenging and I can really feel I'm pushing myself, whereas walking doesn't deliver that same buzz any more. Hills still present a challenge, but I'll get there with time.
Ongoing issues being taken forward into 2012 are actually pretty minimal. I'm still receiving treatment for my tight neck muscles and everyone concerned (osteo & acupuncturist) are happy with progress to date. Hopefully we'll have a major breakthrough early in the year and will be able to tick that off as well. Worst case is we'll hit a plateau where there is no further improvement, and that will be my new normal as far as that is concerned.
While I'll never forget what I've been through (and nor do I want to), I must say I'm no longer "haunted" by the experience and am really just moving forward with my new life now.
I said some time ago that I'd continue this blog until such time as I received the final all clear from the Oncologist. I've still to get that, but I'm also in the mindset now that it is almost a matter of process now. I think once they're happy with the results of the thyroxine (next appointment is late March) they'll stretch the appointments out and that will signal the start of the final stages. See PMA still working.
The Russell going forward into 2012 is, I believe, a considerably stronger person both physically and mentally than the one that started 2011, so watch out everybody. I hope you are all looking forward to the new year as much as I am.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The Most Important Lesson?
The last week has seen a couple of reasonably high profile local deaths as a result of cancer.
Last Thursday, Kiwi racing driver Jason Richards succumbed after a very brave 14 month fight and just yesterday Natalie Murphy, the young Auckland mum whose plight captured the hearts of many, also passed away.
Both these victims were young being in their mid-30s, and both put up a bloody good fight, living every day to its potential and delivering what I consider to be an important message.
I appreciate this posting might come across a bit "heavy" and quite honestly I probably wouldn't be so passionate about it if I hadn't been through a battle with cancer myself, but I did and now I feel I have to do what I can to get people to appreciate how precious life is. So, I'll make no apologies.
I'll never really understand how I came to be lucky enough to be one of those chosen to be a survivor, but I'm just bloody grateful I was. I've said on many occasions how I'm now living my second chance and treat every day as something precious. Life is for living, not for moaning about what-ifs.
So, why do so many people not embrace the privilege that is good health? You never know when your number is going to come up, so surely you owe it to yourself, and all those that you love and who love you, to make the most of every day and be the best person you can.
To just go through the motions and moan about "everything" is existing not living. Sure, some people have been dealt a cruel hand, but by-in-large they are also the fighters who don't wallow in self-pity. Why do people expect good things to happen to them or for others to support them because they have a "woe-is-me" outlook?
I have a very close friend who has been dealt the double blow of redundancy and pretty serious health scares this year, but they aren't just curled up in a ball waiting for somebody else to fix it for them. No, they are getting on with life and making the best of what cards they've been dealt. Sure, things are bloody hard for them, but they know others are worse off.
I said early this year that I now have a "new normal" and my tolerance for negative people was now pretty non-existent. Not surprisingly, I continue to observe people who do nothing to better their situation/outlook by carrying on about how tough things are for them, while doing nothing to try and change it. I don't think I actively seek them out, but I can't avoid them either.
I dare these people to front up to the families of Jason Richards, Natalie Murphy (or even my family for that matter) and try to extract sympathy from them. These people have lost loved ones who epitomised the most important lesson of life - life itself is a gift, not a right, and as such is worth fighting for with everything you have.
Terminal illness will always win on the sympathy stakes (and so it should) and never more so than when the patient is doing everything they can do to fight for every last minute with their loved ones.
While this is the season of goodwill, I must admit to finding it a bit harder than normal to show tolerance for the moaners of society.
Please, all I ask of you is to stop and take a look at your life. Think about how lucky you are to be alive and start to make some changes (if you need to) so that you become one of those positive people who enjoy the gift that way too many people are currently taking for granted.
Positive Results Keep Coming
Last Thursday I had my annual diabetes check-up. Prior to my cancer challenges, I was diagnosed as borderline type 2 diabetic. Before we could do much about it, the cancer made itself known and all efforts went on fighting that.
At my check-up last year, things were looking pretty good, but again as I was still in full recovery mode, they were more than happy to leave that as the priority.
This year I'm obviously "fighting fit", so it was going to be interesting as to what the results were. I had to fast for 12 hours before blood tests on the Saturday (a bit of a bugger as that was the night of the work Christmas party), but I duly obeyed and "donated" 3 vials of blood.
Come Thursday, the moment of truth arrived - and it was all good news. My results put my levels fair and square in the "ideal" range, they were happy with my weight and my feet (I presume there is a reason they check them) passed muster as well.
All good for another year.
At my check-up last year, things were looking pretty good, but again as I was still in full recovery mode, they were more than happy to leave that as the priority.
This year I'm obviously "fighting fit", so it was going to be interesting as to what the results were. I had to fast for 12 hours before blood tests on the Saturday (a bit of a bugger as that was the night of the work Christmas party), but I duly obeyed and "donated" 3 vials of blood.
Come Thursday, the moment of truth arrived - and it was all good news. My results put my levels fair and square in the "ideal" range, they were happy with my weight and my feet (I presume there is a reason they check them) passed muster as well.
All good for another year.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Pump Up The Volume
Sixteen months or so ago, that term would have referred to my need for more morphine. Today, it refers to tweaking my hearing aids.
Back to the hearing aids. Nicholas has tweaked the volume and what a difference it makes. While there is a slight distortion to the sounds now, I think that will settle down as my brain adjusts. Even typing this, the noise of the keys is really loud and knocking my watch strap against the desk is also really noticeable now. They still aren't set to maximum level, but that will be reviewed at my next appointment in early Jan.
The level of the various notification beeps (like low battery) has also been raised, so hopefully I'll hear them in the future. Speaking of which, the batteries had to be changed again yesterday. That means the first ones lasted 8 days, while the second set only lasted six. Obviously I'll need to be aware of the varying battery life and make sure I've got spares readily to hand. It will be interesting to see if the increased volume impacts on the battery life.
It's quite amazing how far things have come in that time, and while the comparison may seem weird, in reality it is a perfect snapshot of how different things are now versus the same time in 2010. I am really looking forward to a "normal" Christmas this year - and many more to come.
The level of the various notification beeps (like low battery) has also been raised, so hopefully I'll hear them in the future. Speaking of which, the batteries had to be changed again yesterday. That means the first ones lasted 8 days, while the second set only lasted six. Obviously I'll need to be aware of the varying battery life and make sure I've got spares readily to hand. It will be interesting to see if the increased volume impacts on the battery life.
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