Wanted: Off Switch

It's been just over a week since my last clinic visit, and it's only a week or so until I have my next appointment with the dental guys to take a nitrous oxide assisted look at things.


While out walking today, one thought came to mind almost instantly when thinking about both situations - I need an anxiety off switch.


No matter how much good news I get about the outcome of my battle, the reality is I get a spontaneous feeling of anxiety for a couple of days before each appointment.  The truth is I still worry about what could be about to happen news wise.  That might be a perfectly normal reaction in the circumstance, but with the first anniversary of the confirmed diagnosis also only a week away, I would have hoped I'd be starting to feel more self-reassured that I really have dodged a bullet and things will only continue to get better.


And, to some degree, that is indeed true - until that period just before the next appointment.  On a "normal" daily basis, I'm happy to just get on with it and I strive to make the most of the second chance I'm currently living.  But, when those appointments come into view, it all goes out the door and the anxiety kicks back in.  All a good dose of PMA does is dull the anxiety, it can't make it go away.


To make things worse, I now have a new anxiety catalyst, lucky me.  In my medically induced isolation last year, I didn't have to worry about colds and flus.  If anybody had the slightest sniffle, they stayed away from me.  Last week, the "joy" returned and I got what I thought was a dose of the sniffles.  After chasing a runny nose all weekend, I stayed at home on Monday, but just couldn't get warm.  Even now, the sniffles haven't fully gone away.  So what is the anxiety trigger?  Just what is the state of my immune system now -has it recovered, will it ever fully recover, just how careful do I need to be?


Usually, I'd shake a cold in a day or two, very rarely did a more severe winter ailment keep me away from the office for more than the same period.  Yet, this seemingly trivial bout of the sniffles just won't go away.  Needless to say I'm now taking medication to try and dry up my runny nose, but is this just symptomatic of what is going to be an ongoing issue and how will I cope with a real good dose of a proper flu?


I know I'm potentially feeding my own anxiety, but the reality is after what I've been through, I'm inclined to take health matters somewhat more seriously than I used to.  For instance, I feel the cold more now than I used to and tend to be rugged up more so than others around me, but I don't care, I need to keep my body temperature where I'm comfortable.  So, I already sort of know things aren't quite right yet, but all that doesn't make it any easier.


I suppose, when you cut to the chase, I'm still learning about the new normal and some of it isn't as easy to cope with as I'd first thought.