I was asked the other day how long I'll keep doing this blog. My response was until such time as they say I'm definitely clear. With Tonsil Cancer, I understand that is two years or so. Most cancers seem to be around five years, but for some reason, this one apparently has a shorter time frame.
So given I'm still some months away from the first anniversary (August), I got to thinking about what "abnormalities" will be in my life until that wonderful day in 2012. I've finished with all the medical intervention stuff, so am largely being left to resume my normal life by the gang of seven, bar the regular clinic visits.
It was then it hit me. There are days when I'm struggling to keep from falling into the old habits. I've resumed full time work at a time of year that is really busy for us and it would be really easy to start working the long hours again to make sure everything goes to plan. The saving grace so far has been that I still don't have the stamina to do that, so am leaving when I "should".
I've also come home feeling tired and been tempted by some of the "treats" I've accumulated as I try to find out what I can handle food wise. In the past I'd rip into a block of chocolate and probably have 2-3 rows at a time. Again, I'm lucky something is holding me back, this time in the form of the saliva issues which still restricts chocolate in this format to one square at a time. I'm finding it is easier with some other "treats" and have had to really refrain from just grazing on a mixture of things. At least my subconscious is looking out for me.
I'm also making the effort to eat proper meals and have found by doing so I'm more than satisfied and have accordingly cut right back on what had become a norm of having a nightly dessert. It was east to justify when the push was on to gain weight so Jake would be removed, but I didn't want it to become the norm after that.
So, in reality, I've now come to the "shocking" realisation that the need for PMA didn't end when the treatment did. It is something I've got to keep on at through 2012 at least. I shouldn't really be surprised because there have been so many changes in my life over the last 10 months or so and there is still some settling down to do as I return to what will become my normality. Of course I've got to continue being positive, it isn't that surprising is it? Then why did this realisation catch me out?
I'm lucky I suppose as so far I haven't succumbed and "fallen off the wagon", and I'm still in the stage where I feel really lucky to have got my second chance at life, so the PMA has still been flowing. It is however a timely wake-up call that the second chance came with some" baggage" and it is up to me to ensure I remain on the straight and narrow and make the most of it.
As part of the PMA affirmation, I weighed myself today and it seems like the weight has settled down. I'm probably just under a kilo lighter than I was for the Jake weigh-in and that seems about right given the fudging that was done on the day and my increased activity. So what I've got to do now is actually make the effort to improve my fitness and stamina over the coming weeks. And I've got to ensure those temptation at work and home don't derail me.
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